What'Chu Trying to Say?
by Domestic Servant
Summary: 30 one-shots centered around Sasuke and Naruto ranging from friendship, to romance, to just plain crack.
1. Of Innuendos

**A/N: I honestly don't care if people feel like requesting. I'll do it, just don't go asking for anything too graphic because I can't write any of that without cringing. Also, in advance for every drabble thang that I add to this: I don't own Naruto or it's characters. And unless stated otherwise, all of the "plotlines" in this collection are my ideas, though it's not like their fully original. Ahahaa...**

Of Innuendos

The deep summer months in the Village Hidden in the Leaves was _for sure_ not a pleasant time. The air was humid and sticky and thick with human sweat (the sweat could mostly be accounted for to be from the ridiculous training regimes of our two favorites Green Beasts) and needless to say, no sane person enjoyed it.

That is...without an endless supply of ice popsicles; of course our treasured genin of teams 7 and 10 were cooling themselves off with these cold, delectable treats.

"Mmm, it's so good!" moaned Naruto. He was sitting in between an oddly alert Sakura and an indifferent Sasuke. Sakura kept her eyes peeled open for any signs of discomfort in Sasuke as Naruto devoured the long, hard --

"Sakura. I'm not _gay, _so stop acting like I'm going jump Naruto's pants at any given moment," Sasuke clarified, or rather, tried to. He couldn't count how many times he's had to tell her that. What he couldn't understand was how she could possibly think she'd have a chance with him, if she also supported his being gay, _which he was not._

"Ah, ah, ah! You could be bi, Sasuke!" chirped Ino. She was holding a popsicle as well, a purple one, and sitting between Chouji and Shikamaru. Somehow, the lazy boy's green ice pop ending up in the tight grip of his _hefty_ friend. Not that he cared.

"Oi! Sasuke! How come you don't have one?" Chouji waved around his popsicle (the other one was already devoured), almost hitting Ino straight in the face.

"Hey! Stop waving that around like no one's here!" Sakura giggled at Ino's comment.

"Yeah, Sasuke, how come you don't have one?" asked Naruto. He wanted to get into this conversation, dammit!

"It's probably stuck up his ass," put in Shikamaru, in monotone no less. Everything was silent for a moment at the outburst.

"What're you trying to say?" glared Sasuke.

"He's trying to say that you're one kinky Uchiha," giggled Ino. Shikamaru sighed tiredly.

"Must you make everything an innuendo, Ino? Let's be mature. I was talking about the ice pop."

"Huh? What's an innuendo?" asked Naruto. The other five genin looked at Naruto disbelievingly. Was he serious? He was the student of both Jiraiya and Kakashi and he doesn't even know what an innuendo is?

"...when you're older, Naruto. We'll tell you when you're older," comforted Sakura. She patted him on the head in a motherly manner.

"He might as well learn what it is now," said Ino, matter-of-factly. "Naruto, idiot, an innuendo is an implication of the sexual kind. Like, when I say popsicle, I'm really referring to a di--mmphmfmf," Shikamaru slapped his hand over Ino's mouth to prevent her from going any further. In addition to that, Sakura's hands were over Naruto's virgin ears so he couldn't hear her explanation.

"Shush, Ino! You _know_ that Naruto's obliviousness is _crucial_ to an intimate relationship between him and Sasuke. Who do you think would be the uke if you turned him into a pervert? They'd just end up killing themselves fighting for the top! JEEZ," scolded Sakura.

"So what if it turns out that Sasuke likes being topped in bed? He does look more like a girl," stated Chouji.

"_I would never let the likes of Naruto top me,"_ seethed a pissed-off Sasuke. How dare Chouji take a jab at his feminine face.

"Oh, so you ARE gay!" squealed Sakura. A blush made it's way onto her face as she imagined many x-rated scenarios involving him and his brother, or Naruto, or...

Her thoughts were interrupted as Sasuke's face turned red with anger _(not to be confused with embarrassment_.)

"**_I. AM. NOT. GAY. SAKURA._**" With that, Sasuke turned around and stalked in the direction of his empty complex, the other genin looking on.

"_...THEN YOU'RE BI! RIGHT?" _

The End

**Ahaha, okay...I personally love SasuNaru, but I just had to take a crack at Naruto always being oblivious and the popsicle thing and the scheming yaoi fangirls and yeah Lo siento. So, review por favor!**


	2. More Tissues, Please

**A/N: Okay, I proof-read this a BAJILLION times, fr srsly. And I tried my best at the partially intimate scenes. GOD, I suck at writing that stuff, ya know? This'll probably be the only fic I write with that much detail involving that kind of contact in a long time. Haha, look, I'm too immature to say kissing. Whoopee. **

"Oy! Sakura! Sasuke! Sorry I'm late!" yelled Naruto. He obnoxiously waved in their direction as he ran towards the bridge in which team 7 usually met as a young genin squad. In the past, Naruto would get suspicious at Sakura and Sasuke being alone together, but as of late, he had matured quite a bit. Not that Sakura and Sasuke were actually together; in fact, it was strictly platonic. Team 7 was the only squad to lack an intimate pair and everyone seemed content with that.

Everyone except Sakura.

Sakura was the type of person who enjoyed watching lovers struggle through hardships. She_ liked_ watching two people fight for their right to be happy with each other. She _relished_ on a raw love and devotion that was rarely seen in the real world.

And_ this_ was why she was so intrigued by Naruto. Sakura thought that Naruto's loyalty to Sasuke was absolutely phe_no_menal. To be honest, she was slightly put out when Naruto retrieved the Uchiha, as she so loved watching him declare to anyone who would listen that he would bring his best friend back even if it _killed_ him.

Even with her intellect, Sakura just could not fathom that deep a level of friendship.

And _that_ was why she was always watching the two. She started noticing little gestures they made that no one around them caught. She started noticing the close proximity with which they walked in. Naruto's eyes always seemed a little more brighter when directed towards Sasuke, and Sasuke's smirk always softened in the edges when talking to Naruto.

She began to wonder if they were able to have an entire conversation using only body language. If they could convey deep messages to each other with just a twitch of the eyebrow or a shrug, she definitely wouldn't put it pass them. No, there just _had_ to be a deeper relationship underneath that 'brothers' guise. They were just too close...

Trailing off with her thoughts, Sakura began to visualize a hot and sweaty Naruto pinned underneath an equally hot and sweaty Sasuke. He was writhing and biting his lip to the point of bleeding from sheer pleasure, while Sasuke pinned down his wrists and ghosted his lips across his jawline. She imagined pale skin on tan skin, black hair on blond, a lithe frame on a boyish one, and Sasuke's lips on Naruto's. Her thoughts conjured up vivid images and sounds of heavy breathing, silhuoettes against a moonlit window, and the creaking of a bed--

"HEY! SAKURA-CHAN! YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING!" Sakura looked up in horror as her hands automatically shot up to cover the general area of her nose to stop the bleeding. Naruto was frantically pulling his pockets inside-out for some lint to help soak up the blood. She averted her eyes from him and instead looked over at Sasuke, who was standing there, holding a questioning gaze at Sakura. His nearly black eyes seemed to widen in realization. Of the time that they were blankly staring at each other, Sasuke broke his gaze to glance at Naruto and then went back to look at Sakura, almost as if to ask how much she knew.

She meeped and thanked Naruto for caring and bolted towards her house.

_'Oh God, oh God, oh God...' _she thought. Sasuke's eyes were so _pier_cing. It was almost as if he knew what she was thinking. _'But wait...'_ Sakura stopped dead in her tracks. _'What if they really are more than what they present themselves as? What if they really do--' _The cracks inbetween her fingers gushed with blood as her thoughts strayed back to what caused this accursed nosebleed in the first place. She _really_ needed some tissue.

* * *

Sakura surveyed her reflection in her full-length mirror, smoothing down any and all wrinkles on her outfit. Her mind ran through scenario after scenario of what could happen today while eating out at Ichiraku's with the whole team 7 squad, including Sai and Yamato.

To her, the best case scenario would be her asking Naruto about the legitimacy of his and Sasuke's relationship and then having the two men confessing, while a choir of angels sang and cherubim flew overhead, playing their cute little harps.

Of course, that was wishful thinking.

She walked out of her apartment after loading her purse with wads of tissue, in case of another nosebleed, and headed towards the infamous ramen stand. She was quite positive that she'd get some kind of answer from Naruto, and not just a bullshit one either. He was pretty much honest about everything when it came to talking to his closest friends and Sakura_ was_ a close friend of his; she was certain of that much.

As she neared the stand, she spotted an open seat inbetween Kakashi and Naruto. It _must_ have been fate. Sakura sat down and thanked the higher power again. Apparently, the food was still being prepared, which gave Sakura some time to question Naruto. She's already decided that beating around the bush with his type of personality was fruitless, as it only left the poor boy confused.

"Hey, Naruto. Do you like anyone?" Could she have been any more blunt? Sakura tilted her head just like so, so that she had both Naruto and Sasuke in her line of vision. Sasuke's reactions were just as important as Naruto's, was what she concluded. She inwardly smirked as Sasuke's body tensed ever-so-slightly.

"Eh? Of course! I like you and Kakashi and Sa--"

"No! Not like that! I mean _like_-like," she corrected. Sometimes his idiocy just made her want to kick puppies.

"Oh..like..._that?_" Naruto's face immediately flushed and he averted his large, blue eyes from hers. "Ah, well...actually, I--"

Just then, Teuchi, the ramen guy, plopped a bowl of miso ramen in front of Naruto who, in turn, relaxed significantly and started inhaling the noodle soup more enthusiastically than normal. Sakura sighed.

_'This is not going to be easy...'_

Throughout the ramen outing, Yamato, Sai, and Kakashi held their own conversations amongst themselves, not wanting to interfere on whatever Sakura was trying to achieve in constantly asking Naruto odd questions. Sasuke sat silently on the other side of Naruto, watching Sakura through his peripheral vision. And Naruto was stragetically evading having to answer Sakura's questions by making sure he constantly had food in his mouth. It was kind of disgusting, actually.

After the get-together, Naruto quickly ran towards his house, yelling from afar that he forgot to unplug his iron.

"Liar," mumbled Sakura. "He doesn't even know what an iron _is._" She jumped off of her stool and crossed her arms over her chest, thinking on what she should do next, since this was obviously a total failure. As she walked away, she missed Sasuke inquisitively peering at the back of her head, his eyebrow cocked in amusement.

* * *

The next morning, Sakura reluctantly woke up. She had just had the best dream ever, where she saw Naruto and Sasuke _together _like_ that._ While the blush on her face subsided, she idly wondered if this curiousity of hers was getting out of hand.

As she brushed her teeth, her mind clicked on a most wonderful idea. She was a shinobi, so why not utilize her abilities?

Walking out of her house, Sakura quickly searched for Naruto and Sasuke's chakra signatures. After a few minutes, she'd finally found them and, luckily, they were together. Now she was to stalk them.

At first Sakura thought about enlisting Hinata; her Byakugan would've been extremely useful. But she didn't want to drag anyone else into this conquest of hers, much less the Hyuuga, so she quickly scrapped that idea.

She finally caught sight of Naruto and Sasuke and promptly hid her chakra signature. She didn't want to get caught, now, did she? But there was something off...Sakura suspected that Sasuke sensed someone close to him and Naruto. She constantly saw him side-glance in her direction and he was leading Naruto (and her) down winding roadways and obscure alleys.

The two boys (and the stalker-girl) finally arrived in an open field; it was completely green and was dotted with random dandelions. In short, it was absolutely breathtaking.

The logical side of Sakura assumed that they were here for training, but the irrational side...well, let's just say Sakura was thankful she remembered her tissues.

Suddenly, Sasuke stopped in the middle and took his hands out of his pockets. Sakura was near enough to see both of the boys' faces clearly and she saw a smirk dance along his lips as he side-glanced in her direction_ again. _Naruto had his hands behind his head and was looking confused as to what Sasuke was looking at. Out of nowhere, Sasuke grabbed Naruto's left wrist and pulled his body towards him. The space between the two faces was close to nothing.

Sakura could not breathe. She was blown away at what she was witnessing.

Sasuke's mouth broke out into a feral grin as his black irises averted one last time towards Sakura. His eyes went back to Naruto's and he finally closed the gap seperating the two boys. His large pale hands nearly covered Naruto's cheeks as he cupped them while Naruto's arms fell limp to his side. It took him a few seconds to realize this and he quickly maneuvered them to grip the small of Sasuke's back.

Sasuke's right hand smoothly slid down the nape of Naruto's neck and down the larger boy's toned arm. In return, Naruto bit and licked his way down to Sasuke's collarbone. The Uchiha threw his head back in pleasure and shifted his left hand so that it was on the back of Naruto's head.

All the while, Sakura was watching and quickly running out of tissues.

Naruto moved his mouth back to Sasuke's face and caught his mouth in his own; Sasuke returned the kiss with great fervor. After a few small pecks on the corners of Uchiha's mouth, Naruto pulled away, smiling. Both were breathing heavily.

"What the hell made you start that?" Sakura heard Naruto ask inbetween breaths.

Sasuke just shook his head, with a small smile, and took Naruto's hand in his. The pale boy plopped down on the grass, dragging Naruto with him. And they just sat there.

Meanwhile, Sakura was sitting in the bushes, stunned beyond belief. Was all of this a dream? It was merely a few kisses shared between the men and yet, it was far more intense than anything her imagination concocted.

She slowly rose up into a standing position and walked to her house in a quiet daze, a blush dusting her cheeks.

* * *

The next morning called for her, Naruto, Sasuke, and Kakashi to meet up for a mission. Sakura arrived at the bridge to find Sasuke leaning against the railing, just like old times. She quickly looked down as a fierce red adorned her face, walking past Sasuke. He was looking at her patronizingly, with a smirk in place.

"You seem preoccupied. Did you happen to see anything interesting yesterday?" His black eyes glinted with a tone of mockery. So he _had_ known what she'd been up to! Figuring he already knew that she knew, she might as well voice the thing that was troubling her, apart from seeing her two closest friends makeout in a friggin' meadow.

"Is _Naruto_ seriously seme?"

**Yes, this is infact, a NARUsasu. I didn't know how to end this so I just made up that crappy conclusion. Go me. Well, don't forget to review and if you see any grammatical errors or anything like that, don't hesitate to say so. **

**;**


	3. Grin like a Wolverine

**A/N: I really do love SasuNaru! I'm wondering if Sasuke was in character enough because I really tried to make his 'train-of-thought' sound like something he'd say or think...except with a _humorous_ twist. Haha..;)**

Of all the things to happen to him it had to be _this. _

And did it really have to come up at the worst possible time ever?

_Of course_; Karma had to catch up with him sometime.

* * *

It all started on a breezy spring day. One full of chirping robins, vibrant green leaves, and folks walking about; shinobi and civilians alike.

And it so happened that the resident traitor-who-wasn't-a-traitor was trudging down the street.

_Pissed. Off. _

Really, did Tsunade have to go so far as to limit his missions to just D-ranks and possible C-ranks if _he_ _was behaving?_ And for a year, too?

A _year?_

A year of picking weeds like a fucking 12-year old.

But this wasn't the worst, no. _Some_how, his crapload of fangirls found out about this "house-arrest."

You think that betraying your village would make you off to be a terrible person that no one should ever like, but it seemed to make _him _all the more attractive.

So Uchiha Sasuke was walking down the street, turning this was and that so as to make sure that _they _(the fangirls) couldn't _possibly _follow him.

And if that failed, he could always use that trusted Chidori. Haha, yes, if Sasuke was going to thrust anything into those desperate fools, it'd be his fist through their stomach.

"Waah - Sasuke, you have a fucking scary as hell expression on your face..." Wait, was that Naruto?

Sasuke turned in the direction of the voice and it was, in fact, the guy who dragged him back to Konoha.

"Then why aren't you running?" Sasuke deadpanned. He didn't have time for this idiot; he had places to go!

Well, actually he didn't at the moment, but Sasuke didn't know what 5 minutes into the future held for him, therefore, he must leave himself free in case something _did _arise.

"Because it's hot!" Sasuke wasn't particularly affected by this statement, as the non-probationed boy declared bisexuality on top of the Fourth's head with a loudspeaker _just_ the other day.

"Is that your idea of a pick-up line? It sucks, just so you know, but then again, _you _suck. So why should I be surprised?"

"I suck what? You?" Naruto's eyes took on a mischieveous glint while Sasuke's stayed the same: indifferent and bored. Did he really have to have this conversation?

"_You_ want to," and did Sasuke really just catchy himself saying that? He had never implied anything remotely sexual in his life, so why start now?

_Because Karma said so, that's why._

"Wouldn't _you _like to know," Naruto gave a feral grin. And _no,_ Sasuke re_fused_ to compare it to a fox.

One, because the fox inhabiting the younger boy was damned ugly and held _no_ comparison at all, whatso_ever._

And two, because it was just so damned cliche that he just might throw-up.

It was about as cliche as Sasuke suddenly realizing long pent-up feelings for the moron/his best friend right there, in that dingy alley, after so, _so_ many hard years of honing his indifference and insensitivity to other people.

Karma _liked _cliches.

_Fucking Karma. _

Sasuke just wanted to die. Of course he had it coming for him.

Of _course _being stuck working in a damned garden with fucking tykes for a _fucking year_ was not punishment enough for betraying an entire village that practically _worshipped _him, not to mention his only friends.

"I _already_ know," Sasuke replied back coolly. Seriously, where was this all coming from? Shouldn't he have walked away by now?

_What in the hell _was wrong with him?

"Do you, now? Is it really that obvious?" Naruto pointed to himself, still grinning that stupid unfox-like grin of his. No, it was more like a...a wolverine, Sasuke decided.

Now that he thought about it, Naruto _did _resemble a wolverine. They always took on every opponent, big or small; they never stop biting until they die.

They're fucking little demonic shit-faced...shits.

And Sasuke knew all of that from experience.

"Point a little lower, stupid," Sasuke now considered the possibility of being possessed. Maybe Itachi's eye was making him say these things?

He always _thought _that older brother of his had taken an odd liking to Naruto.

This new revelation of his could explain why he had the sudden urge to jump the kid right then and there.

Naruto pointed to his stomach, obviously referring to the seal.

"You mean_ this_?" He was _still _grinning like a wolverine. Sasuke just wanted to claw it right off of his face and feed it up the poor boy's ass. Damn annoying.

"..."

"Hah, why don't you help me out over here, Sasuke?" What exactly was Naruto implying, thought Sasuke.

Surely he didn't...

Wait...

_Why _was he walking towards that ramen freak?

_Why _was his hand stretching out to grab the other boy's wrist?

"Gladly," Sasuke replied. He hand led Naruto's down those horrid orange pants. "Do you get it now?"

_What kind of line was **that?**_

Seriously, this was getting beyond out of control.

Sasuke would never say this in his right mind, and neither would Itachi. So the Itachi!Posession theory was out.

So what in the hell was going on?

What was making Sasuke give Naruto a handjob?

_Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. _

The dirty deed had been finished, but, of course, being the inexperienced, sheltered, and emotionally incapable young man, Sasuke didn't realize it in time.

"Uh, Sasuke, you can take your hand out of my pants now," Naruto said, evening out his breathing.

"Tch, _like_ my hand wanted to be in their in the _first_ place. I'll have you know, I'm being forced to do these things by _some_one..or, perhaps, some_thing."_

Naruto quirked his eyebrow. "You mean...hormones?"

_DING DING DING! We have a winner!_

Now why didn't Sasuke think of this earlier? He was a genius wasn't he?

Had he no common sense?

Kabuto even explained to him as a young 13-year old the world of sex and beyond. He included_ everything and then some._

_Ugh..._

Sasuke stood there, perplexed at his own lack of common sense. He was having trouble getting past the fact that he had been outsmarted by the guy he'd just hand-fucked.

All the while, Naruto was trying his hardest not to feel uncomfortable. His finger scratched nervously at his cheek, "Uh, Sasuke...can you take your hand out of my pants now?"

Sasuke's left eye started twitching uncontrollably as he withdrew his disgustingly sticky hand.

He too one look at it and then unceremoniously wiped it across Naruto's jacket. And the _black _part, no less.

"You fucking _keep_ your semen," he said. And with that, he walked away with his hands clenched, _still _trying to understand how _hormones _had gotten past his list of explanations for the odd behavior.

**Ahaha, okay, that was weird! If you have a minute to spare, please review and tell me what you think :) **

**Gracias!**


	4. Feedush

**This is pretty stupid, but I guess it's okay. BTW, anyone wanna sympathize with me on actually pronouncing fetish as feetish? And being serious about it? Really, I have pronunciation issues...:( And yes, this _is_ a Naruto and Sasuke fic, _but _it has nothing to do with romance...'tis _general._**

"Ne, ne! Kakashi-sensei..what's a...a...a _feet-ish?"_ Naruto looked expectantly at his teacher, who internally groaned at, yet again, being reminded of how oblivious and naive his student was _regardless_ of the fact that he had Jiraiya and him as his main teachers. _And_ he had that closet pervert as a sensei for about a half a day.

"Well, Naruto-chan, _feet-ish _is actually pronounced..._feht-ish. _When _you_ say it, it just makesyou sound like a retard saying _fetus, _and that makes_ me_ look bad. So try saying it correctly, 'kay?"

Meanwhile, a few yards away, but still in hearing range, Sasuke and Sakura were looking on at their youngest teammate disbelievingly. After all, Naruto _was _the mastermind behind that porn jutsu, as Sasuke liked to call it. Truth be told, he just liked saying _porn _a lot.

* * *

_**Flashback **(Before Sasuke defected)**:**_

_"God Kakashi-sensei, would you stop reading so much **porn** and actually train us useful stuff for once?" the youngest Uchiha had demanded._

_"Yeah! Sasuke's right (for once). Stop reading that damned corn! Wait, what? You can't read a food, Sasuke!"_

_"**Porn, **Naruto, **Porn. Porn, porn, porn, porn**!" enunciated Sasuke._

_"You seem to really enjoy saying that word, Uchiha," muttered Kakashi._

_"I've never enjoyed hearing that word so much in my life before! Kyaaa-Sasuke you're so hot!!11! Please read Icha-Icha out loud for us!" squealed Sakura._

_"I would never read that **porn.** Jesus Christ, I'm not into **porn**, anway. **Porn** is just for a bunch of perverts."_

_"Then would you stop saying that word?" yelled Naruto. Man, that blush was something else._

_"You mean **porn?**"_

_"YES!"_

_**End of Flashback **(it got pretty dull and redundant after that)_

* * *

_"_So, what's a fetus, now?"

"_FETISH," _corrected Kakashi through gritted teeth. Honestly, how old was this kid?

"Yeah, fetch, whatever. Tell me what it is!"

Kakashi willed down the urge to summon a nin-pup and kick it straight to Hell and back.

"Well, _child,_ a fetish can be one of many things. When others refer to a fetish, one can usually determine any implications that are made_..._in the context that it was used in. On a more broader scale, a fetish is an abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment. Again, if used in the right context, you can figure out what people may be referring to."

"OH! So it's like, when I was really obsessed with getting Sasuke back home, I had a fetch for him?"

_Forehead-slap._

"Try _ramen, _idiot.," yelled Sasuke. Man, was he pissed. Little did he know that his suggestion would be taken quite seriously.

_'Well, at least I know he's not gay!' _mused Sakura.

"So...I have a fetch for ramen?"

"...I hope not..." muttered Kakashi. His visible eye twitched. Oh God, did those images disturb him or what.

Sasuke, naturally curious about these things (though he would never admit to it), went in for the kill and asked what everyone in Konoha has been asking their entire life, "Well, do you get off on ramen?"

"...what do you mean?"

"Like, when you're _excited_ or _you have a problem,_ does ramen make you feel better?"

"Oh! Like that? Yeah, all the time," nodded Naruto. "It's so satisfying! In more ways than one, too!"

Sasuke looked away, his left eye twitching as well. _'I should've known...'_

"Wait...Naruto...so do you really..ya know...? With ramen?" ask Sakura.

"Uhm, eat it? Yeah. In my dreams too. I dream about eating ramen. Sometimes I'll wake up and my hand'll be all wet."

"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!"

"Naruto, who exactly introduced this word to you in the first place?"

"Neeh...Kiba! He was saying something about having a fetch with leashes or something, which makes sense now, cause he's like a dog, ya know?"

"Oh, I know..." said Kakashi. "I'm just worried about you, is all." Kakashi left the field, reading his infamous book. He was trying desperately to erase any erotic images of Naruto and ramen and, well...

_FAIL._

The next to leave was Sakura. She went to go find Ino, who promised her some juicy gossip that morning. Needles to say, she wasn't too affected.

The only ones left were a confused Naruto and a pale Sasuke.

"Naruto..do you really masturbate to ramen?"

"Master...Bate? Who's he?"

_Forehead-slap._

**Innocent little Naruto Ahahaa, that depiction of him is so funny. How can he _not _be a pervert? Well, anyway, when Naruto said how his hands would be wet when he woke up, it's drool people. He dreamt about ramen and somehow, in the process, his hand went into his mouth..? Aahahaha..I wish I knew a Master Bate. **


	5. You Know that Saying

**This is a friendship Sasunaru. They both have their respective partners, Hinata with Naruto and Sakura with Sasuke cause they CAN, and just some odd argument comes up between the old friends. Enjoy :)**

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke!"

"What?"

"My water bottle is better than yours!"

"What?"

"Yep, its curvier!"

"..."

"And you know what they say."

"No, I don't. And I don't care either."

"_A man's woman is only as good as his water bottle!"_

"Please die. Now."

"And we all know that Hinata is so much more well-endowed than Sakura."

"At least Sakura can talk."

_Scoff._

"Who wants a talking water bottle, anyway?"

"What?"

"Yeah, and Aquafina sucks, too."

"You bet it does."

"...YOU ARE A PERVERT!"

"You started it, with your curvy water bottle shit."

"I'm just making a point, asshole."

"A point that makes no sense. There's no way you can compare a _water bottle _to women."

"Women compare men to all sorts of things."

"That's because they're able to blame their hormones on not making sense. Men can't blame testosterone imbalances."

"I've done that before..."

"Yeah, and everyone thought you were gay, too."

"Whatever. The point is is that my water bottle is better than yours, end of discussion."

"Good, now go away."

**Meh, nothing to say about this one except I'm drinking out of a curvy ECO-FRIENDLY water bottle right now! Yay! Ahahaa...**


	6. Small Talk

"Sasuke?"

"What."

"Do you like me?"

"Obviously; I put up with your idiocy on a daily basis, and I'm not a masochist."

"No, that's not what I mean..."

"...hn?"

"I mean, do you _like me?_"

"...Hn."

"Hn? _HN?!_ What the hell is _hn_ mean?!"

"Shut up dobe."

"Oh, so now you're getting all defense mechanism with me here, saying all those _hn's_ huh? HUH?"

"I said shut up!"

"You know what, I bet you do like me."

"..."

"I _am_, of course, _the_ Naruto Uzumaki."

"..."

"And I am_ one hot_ piece of ass."

"..."

"I bet everyone secretly harbors feelings for me."

"Where in the hell did you get the notion that I liked you, anyway?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to start conversation..."

"..."

"...Hey now, you don't have to look so angry..."

"..."

"...Hehehehe, I bet you _do _like m-_HEY_! Put that away _now_...!!"

_After that conversation, the dynamics of Naruto and Sasuke's friendship was never the same again..._

* * *

**_Ehehe, dumb drabble..._**


	7. Who's that Pokemon?

**Late night drabble. Hooray.**

* * *

"Hey, Sasuke."

"What, idiot."

"I've been thinking..."

"Oh dear God, not that again."

"Will you just hear me out?"

"Hn."

"...Anyway, I've been thinking..."

"...about?"

"About Pokemon!"

"..."

"Yeah, and what everyone would be as a Pokemon, you know? Haven't you ever thought about that?"

"...No. Only you, Naruto.

"I think I'd be a Ninetales!"

"What a surprise."

"Yeah, and Sakura would be a Clefairy!"

"Fuck no, I am _not_ married to a Clefairy."

"See? You're getting into it now. Psh, well what else would Sakura be?"

"...Oddish."

"_No fair!_ Hinata is supposed to be Oddish!"

"Hinata would be better suited as Ditto; very pliable and soft..and lumpy..."

"Don't talk about my wife like that!"

"It's _true._"

"Whatever. _Anyway..._okay, fine. Hinata is...Ditto, Sakura is Oddish, and I'm Ninetales!"

"I'm Charizard."

"What? How the hell does that work out?"

"Hello. Fire-breathing jutsu. Duuur"

"Charmanders can breathe fire."

"Fuck off. I'm Charizard, dammit."

"Whatever you say, whateever you say."

"At least Sakura isn't a Ditto."

"And what in the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Hn. You tell me."

"Fuck you. At least with a Ditto, I can grab onto something!"

"Well, it's a known fact that Oddish are the cutest Pokemon. Everyone wants an Oddish."

"Please, how are you supposed to have sex with an Oddish? It's _round_."

"How are you supposed to screw a Ditto? Huh? You'd just sink right in, like _playdoh."_

"Hah, it's better than not being able to fuck at all. At least Dittos can change their form!"

"Fuck you. Your just mad because I have the better Pokemon!"

"Okay, _Charizard."_

_"_Don't roll your eyes at me. I'll fucking kick your ass with my fucking kickass attacks! _I CAN FLY!"_

"Hey, I'm a fire Pokemon too, dumbass. And I have nine tails!!"

"You're not smart enough to be a Ninetales, idiot."

"Says who?"

"Says the world."

"I have the Kyuubi sealed in me. It's my duty to be Ninetales."

"Ninetales are too honorable to fuck pink putty. You're better off as a Flareon."

"I am _not_ a Flareon."

"You're not even good enough to be a Vulpix. Just give up on life before it's too late."

"...wha? Not even Vulpix?"

"Nope."

"I don't care what you or the world says; I'm a Ninetales. Okay?"

"Fine. You're a disgrace to all Ninetales, you know that? To all fire Pokemon, in fact."

"Oh shut-up."

"I don't even know why I'm still here!"

"Yeah, why don't you just leave, Charizard."

"I'm going, I'm going. Charizards don't have shameful Pokemon friends, _anyway."_

"Fuck you! I am _not_ a shameful Pokemon!!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...Did I seriously have that conversation with you?"

"Yeah, yeah you did."

"...Never, _never_ speak of this to anyone. Got that?"

"Yeah..."

* * *

**Yep, looks like a pretty intense Pokemon conversation just went on ;) Haha. I've seriously been addicted to my Pokemon Pinball game lately and had to write this lil drabble.**

**Nothing special, but hope you enjoy!**

**Salud!**


	8. We all Forgot and We All Grew

_

* * *

_

"One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it's worth watching."

_-Unknown_

* * *

"Sasuke, what do you think would've happened if Itachi hadn't killed your family?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, now that we know Itachi was actually a good guy..."

"...The Uchiha clan would've most likely failed...and I.._.we'd _probably be kicked out of Konoha. I'd be living with a disgrace that I never would've understood..."

"...Hm..."

"Why?"

"I'm just wondering, is all. I was talking to Sakura the other day and she said, '_Everything happens for a reason, Naruto.'"_

"...That makes sense."

"Yeah, it does now that I think about it."

"How many times have I told you not to do that."

"Oh, shut up. God!"

"But then that means that everything that has happened up until now has happened because it should have..."

"You leaving for Orochimaru..."

"Hn."

"Now that I think back, it's kinda done good. Sakura became useful, I..."

"...You had a reason to become stronger..."

"Hey! What about my Hokage dream?!"

"You were all talk when we were genin. Dumbass."

"Yeah, well, who's Hokage now, bitch?"

"Kakashi is."

"...Yeah, I know. And it sucks."

"Sakura did become useful. She probably would've never gotten as strong as she is now if I were still here to distract her with my ridiculously good looks."

"...Fucking conceited bastard. The elders too."

"What?"

"They were exposed for the conniving little jackasses they were! About the Uchiha incident and other stuff..."

"I wonder where we'd be now if I had never left...If Orochimaru had never come during the Chuunin exams...and I'd forgotten about revenge."

"We'd probably be in the same spot reminiscing about memories that weren't as traumatizing. Like...our biggest would be that one mission with Zabuza and the he-she."

"Yeah."

"But you know what? I'm glad our past is as fucked up as it is. It'll make for good story time for the grandkids."

"Pft. Like they'd believe you."

"They would! I'm Uzumaki Naruto. Why _wouldn't _my life story be as extraordinary as it is?"

"..."

"See? I'm right, so you can't disagree!"

"Whatever; mine is better."

* * *

**Aah, I'd be so mad and happy at the same time if Naruto ended happily.**

**1) Because I absolutely LOATHE anti-climactic, cheesey, overplayed, cliche endings**

**and**

**2) Because I don't want Naruto OR Sasuke OR Sakura OR Kakashi to die. I want them to be the happy Team 7 like the good old days :) I've already had to go through the anguish of Jiraiya dying! TAT**

**And thus, my bipolar feelings on Naruto ending with a happy...ending...**

**OH, and I hope you enjoyed the drabble!! Tell me what'cha think :)**

**Hasta la Vista**


	9. Eggcellent

__

"Love and eggs are best when they are fresh."

_-Russian proverb_

_--_

It was morning, roughly eleven, and Sasuke was startled awake by a faint smell coming from the kitchen.

Ah yes, Naruto was here. He sighed and brushed a few stray clumps of hair in his face as he remembered. The two had just moved in together and then, a day after all of Naruto's belongings were unpacked, Naruto had to go on a four months mission.

It took for_ever,_ it seemed.

But now he was back and that's all that mattered.

Sasuke got up from his bed and felt a draft in between his legs. Oh yeahh...Seeing as Naruto had just came back last _night_, the Uchiha welcomed his much missed boyfriend home with a wild romp in the sack.

It was in_sane._

Insanely good, that is.

He smirked to himself as his mind replayed the surprised look of shock, pain, and pleasure on Naruto's face when he did _that. _Yes, he had Icha Icha to thank for that little move.

His thoughts, however, were interrupted when the smell that had previously awoken him became stronger. Well, he _was _getting nearer to the kitchen so that would only make sense...but he couldn't quite place the scent...

He rounded the corner and entered the small, yet cozy, kitchen and found Naruto holding a pot of ramen and watching another pot, filled with water.

"A watched pot never boils, idiot," he smoothly quipped.

"It does when I do it!" protested Naruto.

The pot started simmering slightly and soon was up to a boil. Naruto did a small cheer and dropped two eggs in the water and then went to get some bowls to spoon the ramen in.

Sasuke glided (_yes, he glided) _over to their small table and sat down, awaiting his food. A bowl full of the noodles and the overly salty broth was placed in front of him, and, next to his bowl, he was given a peeled hard boiled egg. Naruto sat across from Sasuke with the same layout of food.

"What's the egg for?" asked Sasuke. Naruto rolled his eyes and grabbed it from him, all the while telling him to observe in a teacherly manner.

"First, you cut the egg in half with a knife. Like this--" He cut the egg in half. "--_Then_, you take the yolk out and put it in your soup and mix it up."

Sasuke's face was like, "Ew."

"But don't get discouraged by the fact that the soup now looks like a dirty swamp! It's delicious, trust me!" said Naruto. He dropped the yolk into Sasuke's bowl and started messily swishing it around when Sasuke grabbed the boy's wrist and told him to let him do it himself.

"I'm a big boy, Naruto."

"Fine. Anyway, then, you take the two white parts and you can use the little hollow part to spoon in soup and slurp it up and use it as a spoon and eat it and it's--"

"I'm really glad you're home," said Sasuke, cutting Naruto off. He was glancing to the side, obviously embarrassed by his outburst.

"Ehh, going soft, are we?" chuckled Naruto, which garnered a glare from the Uchiha. "But yeah, I'm glad I'm home, too."

"Don't get the wrong idea, dumbass. This outburst of mine? A fluke," said Sasuke.

Naruto laughed again and reached over across the table, still holding the white part in his hand. He made a move to plant a kiss on Sasuke when he shoved the egg in the boy's mouth, all the while laughing harder and harder.

"I hate you," said Sasuke as he spat out the egg.

"Awwwahahahaa, I love you, too!"

--

**Raise your hand if you've ever eaten ramen like that. With the eggs.**

**:raises hand:**

**Yeah, so I felt that this collection THANG didn't have much yaoi in it, so I decided to put this little drabblish in. Yes, I know it's kinda crappy, but hey.**

**That's my specialty!**

**So, yeah, the usual, tell me what you think and all that XP**

**I'll giggle!**

**CIAO.**


	10. Dressing on the Side, Thank You

**Disclaimed. **

_--_

_--_

_Redress \rih-DRESS\, transitive verb:_

_1. To put in order again; to set right; to emend; to revise._

_2. To set right, as a wrong; to repair, as an injury; to make amends for; to remedy; to relieve from._

_3. To make amends or compensation to; to relieve of anything unjust or oppressive; to bestow relief upon._

_--_

Unbeknownst to the entire village of Konoha, Naruto had developed several habits of tradition. His oldest daily happening was randomly opening up the dictionary with his eyes closed and pointing to a word and learning its definition, which he made an effort to use at least once in every conversation he had that day.

He walked along the road towards Team 7's stomping ground, contemplating the word of the day. It had already been proven a difficult task, having already ran into several people and stumbling around, looking for an opening in the conversation to insert the word and still make sense. He'd done it though.

Naruto wasn't no quitter, after all.

Arriving at the bridge, he saw that Sakura and Sasuke were already there, stumbling out of the wooded area, obviously having just finished an intense, morning spar.

_Obviously. _

Twigs were stuck in Sasuke's hair and he was grumbling to Sakura about something, though his face had a slightly satisfied look about it. Sakura, in turn, was lightly nudging Sasuke along, her hand on his back.

As soon as they got in hearing range, he heard Sakura laugh, "Hey, I healed it, okay? Jesus, stop being such a baby."

"Just don't do that _again_," answered the Uchiha.

A metaphorical light bulb lit up above Naruto's head as he had the best idea to insert the word of the day into the conversation that he was eventually going to but into. Thank God Sakura was a medic-nin.

"Hey guys!" waved Naruto.

"Good morning," Sakura waved back. Sasuke nodded curtly.

"Wow, did you guys have a spar or what?"

"You could call it that," mumbled Sasuke. He crossed his arms and leaned against the railing while Sakura stood comfortably on the side.

A nice silence swept over the three.

"So," started Naruto. "I take it Sakura redressed you?"

Sakura snorted. "More like I _un_dressed him," she corrected.

Naruto face turned sour at the images that were entering his mind as he turned to his best friend. Sasuke's pale complexion was slowly ebbing away to reveal a striking red, bold enough to give Hinata a run for her money. He opened his mouth to lecture Sasuke on how undiginifed that sounded, what Sakura said, but Sasuke had beaten him to it.

"Say something and I'll kill you," he threatened.

Naruto decided to leave this conversation on hold for another time.

--

--

**Okay, just wanted to update this. **

**At first the SasuSaku was just supposed to be a tiny inkling, but it turned into a huge splotch as the drabble ended. Oh well, I like that pairing just as much as SasuNaru anyway :)**

**Enjoy and review!**

**Yays.**


	11. A History of Konoha Drag Queens

Naruto was always known to say things without thinking.

A shining example of this may have just started a cultural revolution, though some critics may beg to differ.

_"It was going to happen sooner or later. Let's not pin all the glory on one kid, yeah? He already has a few too many moments."_

Right, right. The critics, of course, were thought to be bitter. And that they were.

Anyway, this cultural change happened to revolve around a certain Sasuke Uchiha, who was, by that time, used to having things revolve around his very person.

_"Hey. We all know that even though things may seem like they're about Uzumaki, they're really, subliminally about me. Don't forget it."_

It was a fine morning in the meadows surrounding Konoha, in which ye olde members of the infamous Team 7 decided to have a picnic breakfast. The birds were chirping, the breeze was blowing, and the sun was shining. All was well, and that meant that something peace-killing was going to happen.

The breakfast was finished and Sakura, Sasuke, and Naruto were lying in the tall grass, looking at the clouds and contemplating their place in the universe, like all ninja do on their days off.

"You know," started Naruto in a most intelligent fashion that his two companions thought for a moment that something worthwhile was going to come out of his brash mouth. "You know, I think I've come to understand something about you, Sakura."

This certainly piqued the medic-nin's interest, and not in a good way. For all the years they spent with each other, as best friends and confidantes, he just now came to _understand her?_

_"I'll tell you, I was pretty offended."_

Naruto sighed a heavy sigh, getting up to support himself on his elbows. He looked down at his two friends, namely the female. "If I were a girl, I'd want to have Sasuke's babies, too."

The birds stopped chirping, the breeze stopped blowing, and a sudden overcast was shielding the sun.

Sakura said nothing, while Sasuke stewed in his glorifying angst.

_"What? Glorifying?! It was legit!"_

"Oy! Didn't you hear me!" prodded a frustrated Naruto. He didn't like being ignored, no sir.

"Naruto, you're insane," answered Sakura, to which Sasuke silently agreed.

"But it's true! From a girl's perspective, you're pretty hot, Sasuke," he said.

Sasuke opted to ignore the comment and idly picked a strand of grass and stuck it between his teeth, drowning out the blond boy.

"Maybe I could use my _super-special oiroke no jutsu _and together, we'll have --"

His train of thought was halted by the contact of Sakura's fist to his jaw.

"Say no more," she ground out through gritted teeth.

_"Hell yeah, I was mad! What? Do you think I'd let him go on with his musings?!"_

Finally, Sasuke decided to give his input on the current conversation. "Like I'd want to replenish my clan with your tainted genes."

"_My _genes are tainted?! How about yours? Can we say _inbreeding?"_

Sasuke thought for a moment, considering the boy's words.

_"I'll admit, the Uchiha clan was guilty of inbreeding once or twice..."_

"Still. You'd waste a lot of chakra since you'd have to stay in that form for nine months. Completely illogical."

Sakura looked at the two boys with utter distate. "And you consider the suggestion far enough to point out the lack of common sense behind the idea?!"

"Gotta start somewhere."

She waved her hand in front of Sasuke's impassive face. "Hello. Female here. I have a vagina."

"Hah! You're more of a man than I am, Sakura!" chirped Naruto, shamelessly, might I add.

She punched him clear out of the field and into the unsuspecting lap of Neji.

_"Yeah. I'm scarred for life. No one wants Naruto falling out of the sky onto their groin...except maybe Hinata."_

"What. The fuck."

"Oh hey Neji! A little advice: don't ever say Sakura's manlier than you are, no matter how true it is."

"What exactly did you say?" Neji asked, perplexed.

"Well, first, I was like, hey Sasuke, I'd have your babies if I were a girl! Then, I thought about it and was like, I have a jutsu that turns me into one and I can have your babies that way. Unfortunately, I was shut down by Sasuke who rejected me and everything. Then Sakura was all mad because we were talking about it and --"

"Wait. What's this jutsu that turns people into girls?"

"Uh...oiroke no jutsu...?"

Neji fisted Naruto's collar, his eyes sparkling with wonder. "Teach me."

And thus, Konoha found itself filled to the brim with curvaceous and scantily clad women who were really men trying to get into Sasuke's pants.

Thank you, Naruto.

_"Your welcome!"_

--

--

Makes no sense, but I hope you got some laughs

_Goodnight :)_


	12. Miley Coyote

_"Pink isn't just a color! It's an attitude!" -Miley Cyrus_

--

"Dude, Sasuke, is that..._Hannah Montana_ shampoo?"

The atmosphere of the room thickened, with Sasuke not knowing how to answer a question such as the one that was asked, especially when it _was_ Hannah Montana shampoo sitting in his Wal*Mart bag...Meanwhile, Naruto just stared with a kind of constipated expression. He never suspected Sasuke to be the type, and right now, it was getting real difficult holding in the laughter.

Finally, the silence was broken.

"Per_haps_."

Cue Naruto's laughter.

"Per_haps_?_ PERHAPS_? How can you fucking say _perhaps_ when it's sitting_ right there_? It's like...so obvious and, and, what the _FUCK_ are you doing with _HANNAH MONTANA MERCHANDISE?!_ Are you fucking serio--_oh my God, are you gay_?"

His laughter quickly morphed into hysterics, with tears streaming down his face, his appendix on the verge of implosion. You know, the works.

"I'm _NOT_...." Sasuke took a breath and counted to ten, doing what his anger management counselor advised him to do when his roommate/best friend/person he wants to kill the most pisses him off. "I am not_ gay_, thank you very much. And...it's the only shampoo that doesn't make my hair _greasy_."

Naruto looked skeptical. "Uhm, I wouldn't say that when you're trying to prove your straightness. And _hey, I_ don't use dumbass Disney shampoo, and my hair's silky-soft!"

"_HELLO_! We have different hair types, stupid!"

"_Hooo_mooooo...."

"Shut the fuck up. I'm _not."_

Naruto quirked his eyebrow when a sly smle crept its way onto his face. "Oh. _I _get it now. I know why you buy that shampoo with Miley Wiley's face on it!" He elbowed in the general direction of Sasuke and nodded his head, wiggling his eyebrows. "Better be careful. You might go_ blind_!"

Cue Naruto's laughter...again.

"Auugh, for the love of..._FINE! FINE! I HAVE. A HANNAH MONTANA FETISH!_ You _happy,_ you fucktard?"

"Oh yeah. I'm happy. _HAH!_ Can't believe, _you,_ of all people. Hannah Montana! I could just die from laughter...._HAH HAHAH_!"

"Please, go for it. Die. _Now."_

--

--

Wow, if this offends any Miley/Hannah Montana-lovers. Sorry. I couldn't help it. I'm just...appalled at how many merch endorsements she has. Seriously. I had to buy HANNAH MONTANA gluestick because there weren't any regular ones left. It sucks, I must say. But still. GLUESTICK. You're kidding me. Akljasdfja;;

Anyway, yeah. This isn't meant to yanno...cause any drama. It's for fun. Like, obviously from my above rant about the gluestick, I'm not a Miley fan, or a Disney one for that matter, but hey. I'm not the person who'll say she doesn't deserve her fame, because that's really mean.

And yeah, Sasuke does seem like a HM fan. To me, at least. In this AU, ahaha.

And no, Sasuke is not gay. He's just...liking the Disney. Also, to quell all age-difference issues that may pop up, Sasuke is below the age of 18, kthxbai.

So he's not a pedophile, either. But from the looks of recent news with Miley Wiley's "friend," age isn't really an issue for her.

But yeah! Hope you got some laughs! And if you didn't, then, sorry, ahaha XD

_adios!_

PS. If you didn't understand the going blind part, it refers to masturbating. Like, there's an urban legend or whatever that if you masturbate, you'll go blind. Hahaha...


End file.
